Divorce with teenage children, even more complicated?
If you are in the middle of a divorce and have teenage children, what should you know so that it is not even more complicated for everyone?
When parents are divorced or separated, raising their teenage children can be even more complicated and stressful than if they were together … also, not only you and your ex are affected by the dissolution of the marriage. Your kids also have to rebuild their lives after divorce, and for most teens, they have had enough of going through their teens.
It is important that parents, no matter how difficult it may be, are able to communicate and work together for and for parenting, especially when the children are teenagers.
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WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO RAISE TEENAGERS?
The teenage years bring surprising physical and hormonal changes that end in sexual and physical maturation . All of these developments mean that teens have behavioral changes and mood swings.
Teens can gradually think more abstractly, make plans, and set long-term goals. They may be more interested in philosophy, politics, and social issues . They are also likely to start comparing themselves to their peers. They want more control of their own lives and independence from their parents . So their friendships and romantic / sexual relationships become very important to them.
Developing a sense of personal identity is one of the main tasks that adolescents perform. Many try many different ways of being, including ways that go against what their parents expected for them, before settling down.
WITH THE EXTRA STRESS OF DIVORCE
Being the parent of a teenager is a wonderful and stressful experience at the same time. It is often filled with fear , pain and pride, sometimes all in the span of an hour … There are no two ways to do it: raising a teenager is difficult. With the extra stress of going through the divorce process from your parents, it becomes even more difficult. When you are divorced and trying to raise your teenager, it can be much more difficult than raising an intact family.
The surprising thing is that the difficulties do not arise because of your teenager … They arise because of you and your ex. Divorced parents often have different parenting styles and follow different parenting advice. Therefore, it can be a source of stress for everyone involved.
HOW IT BEHAVES IN BOTH HOMES
Parenting is complicated and you can feel that things are not going well at all … or quite the opposite, that suddenly things are going better. You may even start to believe that they are more responsible and mature than they were before, because sometimes they are.
This belief leads many parents to stop sharing so much information with each other about their adolescent . Each of them assumes that your child will naturally share the information and / or exhibit the same behaviors with both. By not continuing to communicate regularly about things that are happening with your teen, you and your ex could be hiding from each other about the events and / or behaviors with which your teen needs support and guidance … You don’t have to act the same with both and that is why communication between you is essential.
YOU DON’T TALK TO EACH OTHER
Rather than continuing the often unpleasant or even painful communication with the co-parent, you and / or your ex may choose to begin exchanging messages through the teenager . Unfortunately, this can cause messages to not be delivered or delivered late or incorrectly … It also gives the teenager a lot of power that they can use to their advantage at your expense.
POOR COORDINATION
When your teenager learns something new, he can experience a sense of freedom. He is not worried about the coordination you have with your ex, he will do whatever he wants or will go to your house and yours when it suits him instead of following your coordination. This lack of coordination gives your adolescent freedom that he could use to his advantage.
Whatever your circumstances, it is necessary for adolescent children who have lived through divorce, without rules, routines and see that you are well coordinated with your ex regarding their education at least.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.