Advantages and disadvantages of having a child with a friend

In these times it seems that it is increasingly difficult to find a stable partner and have children with her before we start to pass the rice. Hence, it is increasingly common for those people who want to be parents and have no one with whom they decide to look for some type of alternative with which to achieve it .

Being a single mother is the option that women use the most, but this is especially difficult in the case of the father, since in Spain there is no surrogacy figure (you have to go to other countries, with the consequent financial outlay that it carries) and a child is not usually given up for adoption when it comes to parents who do not have a stable relationship .

Hence, a new option comes into play, which has more and more followers, but which also entails a series of difficulties, especially in the future and can create conflicts around parenthood. It is about turning to a person of the other sex, close and who also wants to have a baby. Or even that you do not want to, but are willing to do your part in the conception. The most common is to turn to one of our closest friends , a trusted person with whom talking about the subject is not a problem either .

RULE OUT POSSIBLE CONFLICTS

This is someone you trust, with whom you share tastes and hobbies and who you know very well. This can be the perfect definition of a couple, ignoring the romantic aspect. If so, it seems that it is the best choice when deciding with whom to have children. But although at first it sounds beautiful, it can end up becoming an inexhaustible source of conflicts , and in the middle of all of them will be a child . It is something that we must take into account when we consider turning to a friend to be a father.

That is why the first thing to do is talk about it, and a lot, with the other person. Nor should you force it, since it is a very important decision. You need to want to know your involvement, if you want to have any, and what you expect from that relationship . There is nothing worse than misunderstandings, both when it comes to parenthood and a possible love relationship, to ruin that friendship.

When raising the issue, it must be done delicately and explaining all the details. This is especially important if the other person has a partner and can see affected their relationship emotional . You also have to know how to convey what you want and what you expect from this temporary union that will make you parents.

OPTIONS FOR GETTING PREGNANT

Thus, the fact of having a baby with a friend can be done in two ways: by donating semen by the future father or having sex aimed at achieving a pregnancy. The last option is cheaper and does not involve having to go to a clinic, but you would manage it yourself, but it also has a much greater implication. When the time comes you don’t have to transcend who the father of the child is. It will be something that can remain between you and that over the years you decide if you want to tell your child.

WHAT OPTIONS DO YOU HAVE TO BE PARENTS?

There is a third option, the worst of the possible ones: that one of the two ends up falling in love and is not reciprocated. All these options must be taken into account when considering how to become pregnant, because they will affect the future of your relationship with your friend and also your future child. Hence, it is very important to talk everything between parents, something that will not be complicated considering that you are friends .

DISADVANTAGES OF PARENTING BETWEEN FRIENDS

Once you have decided what to do, you have to determine the responsibility of both parents towards the future baby. The mother may not want parental involvement, but the father may want to have a relationship with his child . It is then when we find ourselves in a difficult moment that, if not solved, can mean aborting the plan.

Once an agreement has been reached and for the good of the relationship between friends, it is best to put the matter in the hands of a lawyer. He will be in charge of processing everything that has to do with paternity, transferring in writing in an agreement what you have decided. If you want the father not to have responsibility for the baby, this will be stipulated, without having options later to claim . If you do so, you must resort to the judicial process.

If what you agree is that he has shared responsibilities with the mother, it will also be left in writing. This will determine what custody will be like, who will take care of the child and who will live with. It is a regulatory agreement whose objective is precisely that, to ensure that the relationship between all is as fluid and friendly as possible, avoiding any conflict that may arise .

A COEXISTENCE AMONG FRIENDS

Sometimes friends who decide to have a baby together also decide to be parents together and live in the same house. This situation usually occurs in those cases in which neither the father nor the mother have a partner and decide to live together, as if it were a conventional family , for the good of the child .

BEING A PARENT DOES NOT MEAN GIVING UP YOUR PRIVATE LIFE

Each one can have their own social life, with differentiated circles of friends and with romantic or sexual partners regardless of their role as a parent and member of a family. This, although on paper it sounds idyllic, it is not always. Sometimes it is difficult to conjugate.

The coexistence between the parents, the direct approach between both and the fact that they already have a child in common can make the feelings they feel towards each other change. And what was once a great friendship can become a romantic relationship. The problem is when there are third parties outside of this relationship or feelings are not shared by the two parents .

It is then when jealousy, reproaches and arguments arrive and in the family a situation similar to when a divorce is forged can occur . As it happens then, the children are the main victims.