Disciplining children is not an easy task and whoever tells you otherwise is lying to you. It is work that is best done as a team and that it is your own experience that really gives you knowledge about what is better or worse for your children. When you are raised as a couple, both parents should go the same way to do the best for their children.
Couples are two different people, with different experiences, backgrounds and personal histories … so it is natural that parents do not always agree with the choices or parenting styles that their partners have. If this happens to you and you are always arguing with your partner because you have different views on parenting style, then you need to talk to be able to go the same way together, for the good of your children. Here’s how you can do it!
SET COMMON GOALS
In order to establish common objectives, you will have to ask yourself the following questions:
- What do you want to achieve with the disciplinary measures?
- Do you want your children to listen better?
- Do you want me to pick up her toys?
- That you answer well and speak with respect ?
Ask the questions that are necessary, the ones above are only an example to be able to establish the necessary objectives. Then talk about how you want to achieve that goal and how you can do it together. You can establish joint strategies to achieve common goals in raising children, such as:
- Consequences previously agreed
TALK ABOUT WHAT IS GOING WELL
You may not agree with something at the moment, but it is important that you always remind yourself and especially when you are not going the same way, that there are things that do work. Maybe your child likes to help others or is struggling to finish his homework on time … He may have academic problems but behaviorally is doing great. Whatever it is that matters is that you praise the work that your child does that you recognize that you are raising wonderful children.
MAINTAIN A RESPECTFUL STANCE ON YOUR PARTNER’S POINT OF VIEW
Listen without interrupting and really think about what he or she is saying. If necessary, agree to take a break from the conversation so that you can both have time to think about what the other is saying. Never undermine what your partner is trying to tell you. When one parent criticizes the other in front of the children or undermines their authority , it sends mixed and unhealthy messages to the children and dilutes the authority and efficacy of both parents. Even if you disagree with your partner’s decision, you should be respectful and work with him / her so that you can make a good change without involving the kids.
DON’T ARGUE IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN
Your children need guidance and discipline, but most of all they need an example. Therefore, it is very important that you never argue in front of your children or you will only increase the problems that they have by making them feel insecure, angry, anxious and very upset. For discipline to be effective, your children need a foundation of trust, peace, calm, and security. Arguing in front of your child will only lead to the opposite that you want to see in him.
THINK ABOUT WHAT IS BEHIND EACH DISCIPLINE STRATEGY
Parents often make parenting and discipline decisions based on their personal childhood experiences. It could be that your partner was spanked as a child and he considers it an effective form of discipline and believes that parents who love their children should hit them … Of course this is not the case and it is not tolerable either. One of the parents may also feel very insecure in discipline and fear that if they apply consequences, their child will stop loving them. All of these issues need to be addressed for the sake of the children.