9 myths of joint custody
There are some myths about joint custody that need to be banished to better understand it.
Today love is more easily broken. On the one hand we do not give the value that was given in the past to commitment or loyalty, on the other few people are in need and in the obligation to put up with a partner if nothing unites them anymore. The problem exists when there are certain points that cannot be fixed as easily as shelving. Shared custody between parents who renounce to stay together is a recurring theme, yet there are still different myths that will then be dismantled.
Index
THE DECISION TO SEPARATE: SHARED CUSTODY
Ending a relationship of years, if you are married, added to whether there are children involved, is difficult. Complications are added such as the fear of losing the children, the economic pension or the use of the home , so far, marital. Laws are recycled, society advances and the conditions of both parents are increasingly adjusted, so that the time with the child is quite similar.
Many times, the fact of thinking about seeing the children less or less often causes the decision not to continue with the couple to be postponed and to continue in an unfavorable and tense environment for all members of the family. And fear exists, but it is also a myth, that custody of children is always given to the mother. The parents who obtain it are fewer, but there are and they share more.
The custody of a child are those responsibilities and aspects within the upbringing, which each parent must follow towards their child, when the relationship between them has been broken. Shared custody, therefore, occurs when both parents, with equal or near equal rights and obligations, exercise the care of the minor .
MYTHS WITHIN JOINT CUSTODY
The father is usually recommended to accept the sole custody agreement for the mother , given the difficulty of obtaining joint custody . Mediation therefore does not work as it should in light of the unequal numbers of possibilities between the two parents. There are several myths or partial truths when it comes to joint custody. Points are commented as true and there really is a lot of ignorance about it. Some of the myths are as follows :
1. If there is no cordiality between the parents, joint custody will not be approved
Joint custody is not impossible even though the two parents get on badly . The only thing that would do so would be for the attitude of both parties to seriously harm the child on a psycho-emotional level.
Courts often deny that parents do not continue to have a good relationship to exempt them from joint custody. As is always well said, the welfare of the minor must come first, therefore more serious and insurmountable aspects must be taken into account.
2. If there is a gender complaint, joint custody is denied
Currently, if there is a complaint for gender violence, joint custody can be approved . Recently there are movements against the State Pact against Gender Violence that is committed to denying joint custody if there is gender violence or complaint. But you have to wait to find out how it is resolved. For serious and truthful reasons where the minor is in danger, joint custody should be denied.
3. If the mother breastfeeds, the father will not be given custody
This point is still unclear and it all depends on how the defenses are approached. There are different opinions on the matter, on the part of the judges who handle these cases. Some agree to give joint custody to the parents, even though the child is being breastfed by the mother , but others see it as counterproductive.
In some courts a joint custody is approved, where the time in which the child can be with the father is increased, the less the child sucks. In others it is approved as long as the mother takes milk and the father gives it to her in a bottle .
4. With unfavorable psychosocial reports, joint custody will not be awarded
Of course, the reports that analyze psychological and behavioral data of the person are totally relevant, however, they are not decisive when giving the green light to joint custody . Therefore, if a report of this type is presented to the judge, which advises against joint custody, it is not enough to do so and vice versa.
5. There is equality in time with the child and percentage of expenses
In Spain, in data such as those commented above on complaints of gender violence, if the father is the accused, he will not be able to obtain the shared one, unlike the mother . Today the possibilities for the father are less and he is unequal, in this sense, with the mother.
The absence or loss of a parent can disrupt a child’s routine and take its toll on him. It is important that if a father has been relevant in the education of a child, he does not cease to exist. No matter where you are or where your relationship is, what is necessary is that you continue to strengthen ties if you both love each other .
It is intended that father and mother maintain the relationship with their children, as far as possible, in a similar way to before the separation or divorce process . The Court usually adjusts the days of each parent with the child, depending on the availability per month that the adults have.
The reality is that this percentage of time usually differs from 60 to 40% for each one. When the minor grows up in different homes, with his father or mother, but cultivating that attachment, that remains in a secondary place. The child will grow in security, confidence and will find himself in a comfortable and stable environment .
As for the expenses, they are not assumed in half by the father and mother. A balance is sought, however, that solution is not found. Of course, and as in everything, it depends on each case. The Civil Code refers to the fact that each parent must face expenses depending on their income. That is, if the father or mother has a higher income than the other, the percentage of money to be paid will also be .
It is also thought that after joint custody is approved, alimony is not set, and it is wrong. If the child needs it and one of the parents earns considerably more than the other, they must comply with the stipulated alimony .
6. Shared use of the home is the same for both parents
It is not always possible to make an equal distribution of the house, there are exceptions, but it is not the most normal thing. Sharing the family home with a father and mother is not feasible. This would generate conflicts between the two. The home is usually given to the parent who has the greatest need for it , although if the home belongs to only one of the parents, it can be awarded in its entirety. If it is for rent, the chances are that one will keep it and another will live nearby.
7. Once single-parent custody has been agreed, shared custody cannot be requested
At first, by mutual agreement of the father and mother, custody may have been requested for one of them, and later one of the two parents may request shared custody , even more so if the regulatory agreement has not been reviewed by the Judge. If the agreement has been approved by the judge, it is more difficult to make the change, if there are no aspects that have changed since the moment that single-parent custody was proposed and accepted.
8. To respect the routine of the minor, joint custody may be rejected
The child’s hours and habits are very important, but they are not a key or determining element when denying joint custody. It is usually more prevalent that the child has contact and attachment with both parents to their daily routines . However, this premise can be presented in court to try to achieve single-parent custody.
If the parents, after actions they have taken and decisions made, are and feel good, the child will be too. If one of the parents rebuilds his life with another person, finds another job and moves to another city, and that brings him well-being and emotional health, the child will also benefit. It will be the minor who will be nurtured by all kinds of improvements.
9. The time the child spends with the father will strengthen emotional ties
If the father, who is the one who usually spends less time with his son, misses essential and relevant moments of the day to day, quality, attachment and trust are lost . The rest of the family must also matter in the child’s life and contribute to his upbringing. In adult life, fears of abandonment and loneliness can be evidenced …
There are advances in the field of parental rights, following the decision of the Constitutional Court. Before it was more unfeasible to achieve joint custody, now it is an increasingly widespread fact. It is intended that the child does not lose contact and attachment with both parents and does not dissociate himself from his routine in an abrupt and unnecessary way. Time with your parents is necessary and it would be ideal if you were not a participant or an observer in the disagreements that both may have.
Both parents are there to take care of the child, they have their responsibility, regardless of the amount of time they are with him. If you are both capable of caring for the child and the child is happy and desires it, you must attend to their demands. Relationship problems must be settled in court and the appropriate measures for the optimal emotional development of the minor must be carried out .
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.