There are parents who take away the privileges of their children to educate them ‘better’. But does doing this really work? And if so, how should this practice be done?
There are many parents who use the technique of taking away privileges from children as an effective discipline … But taking away privileges from children will only work if it is done correctly, if not, it can be confused with a punishment and therefore, what. It is of no use in the education of children. Children should know that privileges must be earned and that they are not a right in and of themselves.
You must bear in mind that privileges do not have to be expensive things or anything serious, it can be anything such as time to watch television, time to play electronic devices, time spent with friends, etc. For removing privileges to be an appropriate strategy in the education of children and adolescents , you must take into account some things.
CHOOSE WELL THE PRIVILEGE THAT YOU WILL TAKE AWAY
When your child breaks the rules, choose the privilege to remove and then be consistent with it. If you take away a privilege that your child does not care about, it will not be a negative or effective consequence, so it will be useless. In this sense, it is very important to choose something that really bothers your child when you remove it.
While one child may be affected by the loss of his toys, another child may not care as long as he watches television. Think carefully about which privilege losing it, even temporarily, means the most to your child.
The withdrawal of privileges can also be a logical consequence. For example, if your teenager comes home late, the consequence is that he will not see his friends the next time. If you want to end a specific behavior, you will have to talk to him about the consequences in advance so that he has the option to choose whether or not he wants to perform the behavior with the consequences in mind.
SET A TIME LIMIT
Make it clear to your child how he can regain his privileges. Usually 24 hours is enough time for a child to learn a valuable lesson. Although there may be times when it makes sense to create a timeline based on your child’s good behavior. For example, you can say something like: ‘When you clean your room and keep it clean for three days, you can get your tablet back.’
Never give timelines that are vague or ambiguous. For example, never say something like: ‘I’ll give you your computer back when I can trust you again’ or ‘I’ll give you your toys when you’re good.’ Your child needs to understand exactly what steps to take in order to regain that privilege, so you will need to tell them specifically.
FOLLOW THE CONSEQUENCES AND LIMITS
If your child begs, cries, or kicks, don’t give in. Do not give in to their complaints or you will be ruining everything and your child will see that he can manipulate you when and how he wants. If you give in, you will reinforce those negative behaviors. You will have to stick with the consequence for the specified period of time, even when it is difficult to do so.
If you tell your child that he has lost the privilege of attending the Friday party at his friend’s house, do not give in because he begins to behave better. Comply with the limits so that your child knows that you are a serious person and that you cannot be manipulated.
If, for example, you say to your child at some point because he is angry something like: ‘You will never watch television again!’ It is obvious that this is not possible so when you are calm apologize for that and explain the new limit with a more logical time limit.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.