To know the phenomenon of bullying, it is necessary to ask why there are children who exercise this abuse and violence against others.
This article is focused on commenting on the characteristics that surround the boy or girl who does bullying , that is, who harasses others, in order to “understand” the cause and all the points of view of such a difficult situation. We do not want to justify any type of bullying that these children can do, we only take a different approach that can serve both educators, parents and other adults to treat these children.
It is not good to generalize because we are all different and the situations that we live together with the character that comes from series is what will form our personality. It will lead to us behaving in one way or another. However, when we talk about children who bully , a series of regularities that are repeated in these children have been observed in most cases . If we make an effort to know the environment in which that child moves, perhaps we can come to understand, rather than understand, part of the anger that he releases and causes through his violence (both verbal and physical).
As each child is different, the cause of bullying is not cleared with a rule of three, however there are things that many have in common:
THEY ARE AWARE THAT THEY DO HARM
First of all, it must be made clear that the majority of children from the age of 8 (unless they have some type of significant deficit) who carry out bullying are aware of when they harm a fellow man . They make practical jokes because they find it funny, and they know that the other person has a hard time. Eye! Remember that a bullying situation is done continuously over time and therefore we are not referring to a particular situation where the harasser has “messed with” the victim. Therefore, we speak of harassment and bullying when this situation is repeated in the long term.
PARENTAL EDUCATIONAL STYLE
Unfortunately, growing up in a home where parents have an authoritarian educational style (rules must be obeyed whether you like it or not) or negligent can contribute to a violent relationship style based on coercion. When parents always impose their rules on their children by force without giving explanations, they are actually teaching their children that violence is the best way to solve conflictsbecause in the end the one who “wins” is the one who intimidates / shouts / hits the most. And it makes sense if we look at it that way. “Why talk if I can push four times and do what I want?” Everything that children learn at home is reflected in school in one way or another and the way parents have to resolve conflicts is one of the most important variables when it comes to detecting bullying.
On the other hand, when a case of bullying is detected, it is usually thanks to the action of the victim’s family . It is very rare to see the parents of the bully calling the school concerned because their child is hitting another. Some parents prefer their child to be active and take the lead over being carried away by others. It is a way for them to reflect on their child. In this sense, parents have to realize that bullying is serious and that it is not a game, it is not “boy stuff”.
The family climate that surrounds the child is key because it will influence the way the child has to relate to peers at school. Violence will generate violence. If there is a bad family environment, either from parents to children or intermarital, the child will end up projecting violence in other areas of his life because it is the only form of relationship he knows, at least the most powerful. You have learned that conflicts are resolved with verbal or physical violence.
On the other hand, it has been proven that a boy harasses others when at home he is violated by adults against whom he cannot confront, perhaps he suffers physical violence , insults, belittling or humiliation. Or it may also be that he is under high pressure at home to do what is expected of him (typical in overly demanding families). Whatever it is, the boy releases his frustration by giving someone else a hard time, whom he sees as weaker (or as a potential threat) and with whom he can feed his ego.
LACK OF EMPATHY
The bullying child usually has a lack of empathy , this is the ability to put himself in the place of other people and make an effort to understand their feelings and emotions. In this sense, it is important that from a young age to avoid this type of situation we teach children to be empathetic, respectful and tolerant of others.
VERY LITTLE SOCIAL SKILLS
When a child does not know how to relate correctly with others, it is when they tend to be aggressive, especially if it is the only way they know to resolve conflicts. In this sense, it is important that when the child is young (4 or 5 years old) the parents dialogue with him to make him understand the wrong he has done with his behavior (which brings negative consequences for both parties) and what he could do instead so that everyone benefits.
Young children who are not yet in elementary school still do not differentiate what is right from what is wrong, and it is important for parents to emphasize the difference between “being mean” and “misbehaving . ” You have to tell them that what they have done, their behavior, has been wrong but that does not mean it is wrong. In this way we will avoid labeling the child, if we include him in a category from a young age we only encourage him to continue behaving like this in the future.
A PREVIOUS HARASSMENT
Another factor to take into account is that there is a percentage of cases in which the bullying child was also bullied at the time. This relationship is even stronger as the years go by, so it is common to find bullying adolescents and adults who were physically or verbally abused as children.
Finally, working with a bullying child or adolescent is not an easy task because not only is it worth teaching them social skills or how to resolve conflicts, it helps but does not solve the problem. You also have to “change” the misconceptions you have about human relationships and the way you understand power and leadership . It is a complicated task in which professional psychological help is recommended . In addition, it is vital that parents are involved in the process and accept that there may be coexistence guidelines that they will have to modify in the future.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.