Do not force your child to give or give you hugs and kisses

‘Give grandparents a hug’, this phrase is quite common in all families with young children. Actually, there are compelling reasons why you should never tell your child to hug or kiss anyone, including family members … or you.

STOP INSISTING

The problem with insisting that children give hugs and kisses when they do not want to is that you are telling them that you do not care how they feel, they should do what they are told without question. It’s like when you give him an order to pick up his toys and if he doesn’t, it will have a negative consequence.

So when you say “give hugs and kisses”, you are implying that there will be negative consequences if he does not do what you say. It’s like saying, “I don’t care if you’re comfortable or not, show affection anyway.” When a child feels compelled to show affection, he receives the message that he has no control of his own body. This is a very dangerous message for children to receive. 

DANGER OF SEXUAL ABUSE

Children who think they need to comply with an adult’s requests for affection are more likely to be sexually abused. If a sexual predator tells a girl to do something that she is not comfortable with, she may feel compelled to comply. 

But, a girl who was taught, “It’s your body and you have a chance to say no to things you don’t want to do,” is more likely to be able to say no if someone asks her to do something that she doesn’t feel like doing. comfortable doing.

TEACHES THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR BODY

When you teach your children that they have the right to choose whether they want someone to tickle them or not, or whether they want to sit on someone’s lap or not … it shows them that they can make decisions based on their comfort level. You can create a rule at home that says that no one can have physical contact with anyone if they do not want to, not even with family members.

Make it clear to your child that they don’t have to show physical affection to please someone. So if Grandma says, “Today I gave you a gift, kiss me goodbye to show me how much you liked it.” Or a guy says, “I won’t give you a cookie unless you give me a hug first,” step in and remind your child that he doesn’t have to if he really doesn’t want to. Teach your child that he is the one who decides about his own body and decides who can touch him and who cannot. This message should keep your child in his mind forever.  

Your child will be better equipped to resist sexual advances later in life when he refuses to allow others to blame him on physical contact. There is no need to show affection simply because someone insists, if you do not want to give affection , the other person must accept it.

NO NEED TO BE RUDE

Many parents worry that not giving someone a hug will be perceived as rude. Consequently, they say things like: ‘Auntie, she only comes once a year, the least you could do is give her a goodbye hug!’ But in reality, the less they see someone, the healthier it is for them to have less physical contact. They have no emotional bond for more. If your son does not want to hug that aunt who barely sees, do not force him. You should care more about the healthy development of your child than the opinion of others.

If a relative says “Give me a hug!” And your son is clearly not interested, intervenes saying: “Would you like to give a hug or would you rather say goodbye?” You may need to educate your friends, family members, and other visitors so that they know that uncle is not forcing your child to be physically affectionate. Teach your child that shaking hands is an option when meeting new people to whom he does not want to give another show of affection. Talk about how shaking hands may be appropriate when meeting a new teacher or greeting a new friend.