Grandparents can also have emotional responses to the divorce of their adult children. Find out how they can feel (even if they don’t always say it).
Divorce is a reality in modern family life, and it is not easy to handle on many occasions. In addition to the death of a loved one or experiencing a serious illness, the news of a divorce for a grandparent can be the most devastating emotional blow they can receive from their adult children, especially when they felt affection or appreciation for the person they married. with your child.
Although divorce tends to affect children greatly, grandparents and parents of adult children may also experience different emotional responses to this news. Some of these reactions are as follows.
GRIEF OVER FAILED RELATIONSHIPS
When an adult child divorces the grandparents will lament that the relationship has failed. The adult child may still have a relationship with his former partner, but it will not be a romantic relationship and family ties will be broken. Even if you had doubts about your children’s relationship, maybe you had some hope that ends when they tell you that there will certainly be a divorce.
On the other hand, if you have a close and loving relationship with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law, you face the possible loss of that relationship . Grief is a natural reaction to these circumstances, and grandparents should allow themselves to go through the grieving process.
GUILT ABOUT ONE’S ROLE
Even though adult children are responsible for their own decisions, grandparents will almost certainly wonder if they could have done something to prevent this family disaster. If the grandparents have been divorced or had troubled relationships in their own past, they may feel that they somehow negatively affected their children’s ability to maintain a marital relationship .
Grandparents should not allow themselves to fall into the trap of feeling guilty about the failure of their children’s relationships. It is impossible to go back and prove what might have happened if things had been done differently, so feelings of guilt are not productive and should be avoided whenever possible.
It is very common for you to feel torn between your feelings for the parties in the divorce, even if one is your own child. Parents know very well that their children are faulty, and parents recognize that their own child must take some responsibility for the failure of the relationship. If you had a close relationship with your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law, you may feel that even your own son is at fault.
Other parents / grandparents put all their pain towards their child’s ex-partner. This is not healthy because it is necessary to recognize two things: first that it is impossible to determine what really happens between two people in a marriage and second, that it is not your role to determine anyone’s fault. Try to direct energies in more positive directions like spending quality time with your adult children and grandchildren.
CONCERNS ABOUT WHAT THE FUTURE MAY HOLD
Uncertainty about the future almost always generates concern. Suddenly, nothing in the future of your child and your grandchildren seems certain. A divorce can affect employment, emotional stability, geographic location, and many other factors.
Grandparents should focus on what is constant: parents’ love for their children and their own love for their children and grandchildren. The classic advice to focus on the things you cannot change and accept the things you cannot change is certainly good advice in this situation. Those who believe in a higher power may find some comfort in thinking that the future is in the hands of that higher power.
THE FEAR OF LOSING CONTACT WITH GRANDCHILDREN
Much like worry, fear is also a natural reaction to divorce in the family. One of the main fears of grandparents in this situation is the loss of contact with their grandchildren, especially if custody is likely to go to parents who are not their children.
This is not an unreasonable fear, as statistics show that many grandparents lose contact with their grandchildren after a divorce. This is one area, however, where grandparents can take some meaningful action. While they certainly cannot ensure an ongoing relationship with their grandchildren, they can take steps to make it more likely, such as avoiding blame and staying as neutral as possible.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.