Do these 5 things and your children will be emotionally intelligent
All children can learn to be emotionally intelligent, but they need your example and guidance to do so.
Learning to recognize and control your own emotions is an effort that lasts a lifetime, but if you work from a young age, then it has great rewards. Emotional Intelligence should be part of the lives of all the children of the world. You may be wondering; ‘How can I help my children to be emotionally intelligent?
To help your children become emotionally intelligent, you need to take into account some things to help them develop their awareness and control of their own emotions, as well as to understand the emotions of others.
Index
THE SELF DIRECTED GAME
Self-directed play means that the child chooses what to play and how to play it. Children should make up their own rules as they go along. There is no adult who tells you how to play or who directs the activity, it is a free game where the child is the absolute protagonist of its development.
This is really good for children because it allows them to use their creativity and imagination, it contributes to healthy development in the brain. In addition, this has great benefits for their development since they develop leadership skills, they will make better decisions in the future and you will have better skills to solve the problems that arise.
Parents at the same time should feel free to intervene in play when children seek help or want participation. But instead of giving all the answers in the game it is better to ask them questions like: ‘What do you think?’ Or ‘Where can we find the answer to what you raise?’. It is important to remember that this is your child’s activity, and their curiosity should be the driving force.
ALWAYS VALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS
When children show their feelings and emotions, such as their fears, their anger or their sadness, it is necessary and vital for them that you listen to them with empathy and respect, understanding that all their feelings are valid. Never laugh at their feelings or downplay them because for your child at that time, they are important.
If you do not validate their emotions and feelings, you will be distancing your child emotionally from you, and your child will also feel that he is wrong and that he should not have those feelings. Minimizing their feelings can cause your child to reach out to you because they no longer feel heard or understood. Of course, this is not always easy. In the course of daily parenting, frustration sometimes benefits us.
USE THE PAUSE
It is understandable for a parent to occasionally act or speak without thinking. But seemingly harmless responses like “What were you thinking?” or “That’s nothing to be afraid of” can make a child feel small, insignificant, and unworthy. When a child experiences this reaction on a regular basis, it can lead to long-term negative effects: they may grow or feel fearful or inhibited to express their emotions, or they may experience depression or repressed anger that causes them to act out angry.
So when your child has done something they know is wrong, don’t overreact. Put everything on pause, take a deep breath , and stay calm. This is the best parenting strategy that you should always keep with you.
LISTEN CAREFULLY TO YOUR CHILD
Ask your child when he misbehaves why he did what he did. Some children are simply naughty because they are bored or trying to get attention. When you listen to your children with empathy, a child will be able to open up and tell you why they have behaved like this, but if you attack them, then your child will be afraid and will not want to tell you what is happening to them. There may still need to be consequences, but that is very different applying consequences than emotionally punishing the child.
TREAT YOUR CHILD WITH RESPECT
When you look at your phone and your son is claiming you but you ignore him, at that moment you are disrespecting your son. If you don’t listen to him, your son will cry. A parent feels angry if the child is disrespectful, so why is it valid the other way around? Do you knock on the door before entering your child’s room? Do you allow them to have their own privacy? Children often model the behavior of those around them. If you show respect for the people in your life, your child will learn to do the same.
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
It is necessary that once you have reached this point you are aware of the importance of emotions in children’s lives, but also in yours. You are the maximum example of behavior for your children and they need you also emotionally intelligent to learn to be them too.
It is essential that in your day to day you are aware of how you behave with yourself, with your children and with the people around you. Your children can be quiet by your side without saying anything to what you do, because for them everything you do is what should be done, because you are their example. But remember that he is learning from you, everything you do or say later will be repeated by your children.
In this sense, if one day you are surprised because your children have answered you wrongly, insulted you, yelled at you or even raised their hands (especially in adolescence), reflect on how your education and upbringing have been since that they are small. Remember how you have behaved with yourself, with them and with your environment and look for the connection of their behavior with yours past and present.
If you want your children to grow up emotionally intelligent and in good emotional health, then be aware that a lot will depend on you and how emotionally intelligent you are. Work on your own emotional education first to be able to teach it later to your children, because emotional education is like trying to teach a language without knowing anything about it … it is impossible. Therefore, be the first to learn about emotions and Emotional Intelligence and thus you can educate your children within these values so important for their development.
Dr. Tabriella Perivolaris, Sara's mother and fan of fashion, beauty, motherhood, among others, about the female universe. Since 2018 she has been working as a copywriter, always bringing to her articles a little of her experience and experience as a mother and woman.