How to win the respect of your children without yelling or authority

It may not sound politically correct to say it but today children who do not respect their parents are children who have not learned to do so because no one has taught them. We are all born with different characters, some more complicated than others, but with some exceptions, when it comes to having manners or behaving correctly, the experience received from the environment has more influence.

Does your son respect nothing? Not his classmates, teachers or parents? So it’s because your son has grown up believing himself to be the center of the world . There are parents who have a hard time contradicting their children, perhaps because they do not want to hurt them, they are too tired to argue, or they do not have time. However, we are not doing them or ourselves any favors, so we will only be able to raise selfish, impulsive and empathetic children. On the other hand, if you think that the solution is to yell at them or punish them more often, you are wrong.

Then we leave you with some tips so that your children little by little learn to respect you and those around them.

1. START BY RESPECTING THEM

If you want your children to respect you, you have to start by respecting them. This means that you should take the things they say to you seriously , even if they may seem silly or absurd to you. Don’t laugh at their fears , insecurities, or worries. Fear of the closet monster may be silly to you, but your child has a hard time and you should listen to it. You should do the same with their complexes or concerns . Are you afraid to go to the pool? Doesn’t the girl you like want to be your girlfriend? Listen carefully and tell him that you understand him and that you will do everything you can to make him feel better. Never humiliate him, tell his things or belittle him. Comments like:“What nonsense” or “are you a whiner?” They are not going to make him tougher, braver, and much less respect you. They will only learn that they cannot tell you anything because you will laugh at them, and worst of all, they will tend to repeat your comments to other children, to be more distrustful of everyone regarding their feelings and in general, more rebellious.

2. SCREAMING IS NOT THE SOLUTION

If your child is already used to hearing you scream, it won’t do any good to keep doing it, only to desensitize him to the screaming and for him to do it too. When you yell, you are giving the other person permission to yell as well. In addition, children generally learn by imitation, you are their role model. If he sees you yelling or treating him and other people badly, you are directly teaching him that the best way to achieve your goals is by bullying others.

The best way to avoid yelling and disrespect (aside from making sure adults don’t do it at home) is to cut your losses from the start. If you see that one day he raises his voice, insults you or whatever , cut him off from the beginning and say that you do not tolerate such comments at home. Tell him that you don’t care where he heard it but that it is not spoken like that in your house and that whoever does it is not listened to, do not pass a single one. Now of course make sure you don’t do it either because if not the message that will reach him will be contradictory.

3. Respect is not the same as fear

Respect is often confused with fear. When you respect a person, you value their opinions and you feel comfortable with them, you take care of what you are going to do and say so as not to make them feel bad, you appreciate them and you don’t want to offend them. If you get the respect of your children, you will get their admiration, they will see you as an ideal to follow and they will listen to you because they love you and understand your position.

On the other hand, fear is a negative emotion that creates anxiety, insecurity, and resentment. In this sense, if your child is going to obey you because he is afraid of you and does not respect you, you will never be able to teach him anything worthwhile because if he is going to obey you it is not because he thinks you are right, but to avoid punishment. What does this mean? That behavior that you want to eliminate in your child will continue to do in the future, although not in front of you. For example, your son may not push his little brother when you are in front of you (he knows you can punish him) but that will not stop him from doing it when you are gone. The same goes for a lot of other things.

4. BE A GOOD EXAMPLE

It is not difficult to understand. If you want your child to respect you and the other people around you, you have to make sure that you do the same. It will be useless if you instill in him the importance of respecting other people if at the first change he sees you lose your roles. Be respectful, patient, and honest with others. Do not interrupt those who are speaking or laugh at their concerns (even if they do not seem serious), acknowledge your mistakes and ask for forgiveness when necessary. Swallowing pride and being proud of it will make your child respect you in the long run and begin to obey you. If you want your child to be empathetic , you will have to be too.

5. DIALOGUE ABOVE ALL

Explain the importance of communication, that you should always expose your concerns, fears or anger to others but without offending them, respecting their feelings. You must also promote communication with them. For example, if they want something, it is convenient that you stimulate them and encourage them to give you real reasons, for this, you show them that communication is a vehicle to achieve your goals. And remember, this way you are reinforcing and stimulating reasoning, but it is not worth repeating the same arguments all the time. Positively value creative ideas that are destined to win both parties in a negotiation. Obviously when they are very young they will not understand it and it will be difficult for them to obey, so you have to guide them.“Why do you want to have this?” “What could you do to get it?” …

6. STAY CONSISTENT OVER TIME

You must be consistent and consistent with the rules . The worst thing you can do is lift punishments just because your child has improved his behavior and you feel sorry for him or because you are in a better mood than a few days ago or … whatever. In the same way, the rules must be maintained regardless of the context in which it is. For example, if it is forbidden to put your feet on the table at home, it will also be at the home of uncles, grandparents, friends, etc.