10 measures not to spoil our children

As parents we have the obligation to give our children a good education so that in the future they will be responsible , moral and ultimately useful for society. Today we see many parents spoiling the little ones, that does not do either of them any good. In the first place they will be a headache for their caregivers and secondly we will create spoiled children who will take a long time to mature (at best).

There are typical mistakes that parents make in education without being aware. It is very easy for it to happen and we do not imagine the negative consequences that they can have.

1. SET LIMITS

It is perhaps the most important. You have to learn that there are rules that you have to respect. Unfortunately children are always feeling where they can go with an adult. If they always get away with it, we are going to spoil our children , we can make them rude and even violent.

2. TEACH HIM WHAT EFFORT IS

He has to learn that he is not the center of the universe and that if he wants something he has to strive for it , that he will not have it for free. It is essential that you learn it because otherwise you will end up thinking that everyone has to be there for you and that you can get things done without trying . It is not that you never give him anything outside of important dates (such as his birthday or Christmas) but if you do it, it is for some merit, something that he has done well and of which he is proud. For example, for having helped you with something, for a pass in that subject that costs so much, etc.

3.THAT HE LEARNS THAT EVERY ACTION HAS ITS CONSEQUENCE

How else is he going to learn what to do and what not to do? If he misbehaves and there is no consequence for his action, what will prevent him from repeating it again in the future? if it has already been freed once … it may also sneak in the second, right? It is the easiest way to spoil a child and make him spoiled.

4. DO NOT ALTERNATE PAMPERING WITH THREATS TO LEAVE HIM ALONE

Never threaten to leave your child alone in a place no matter how angry you are. It is very common that when a spoiled child gets used to doing what the parents want as a last resort, they threaten them in this way. Children cannot feel that their parents would abandon them at the first change because it is with them that they establish the first bonds of attachment and trust, they are the main source of security they have.

Although we know that they are empty threats that will never be carried out (so that they behave as we want) for the child, it is pain. You will only get the child to become more absorbing, pampered and dependent on the parents because we will awaken their mistrust. Although in the short term it may work in the long term it is counterproductive. In addition, there may come a time when the child is planted and stays in place. So the parents will have to come back for him. In this way, we are also showing that we do not comply with the threats and finally credibility is lost.

5. DON’T GIVE IN TO TANTRUMS

The tantrums are hard to manage, but it is possible. If children get what they want with them, we will only be able to reinforce negative behaviors. We seek an education based on positive reinforcement, attending to their “good behavior”, not the bad.

6. AVOID LYING TO HIM

Many times to avoid suffering we tend to lie to the child, it is a way of overprotecting him . You are nullifying your children’s trust in your word, the person they trust the most. It is better that you give an answer adjusted to their understanding. For example, when explaining the death of a relative, you also do not need to give a long explanation of what death is. The important thing is to get him to understand you, but not to lie to him about something that sooner or later he will find out. It’s not exactly a good education strategy.

7. DON’T BELITTLE THEIR FEELINGS

By this I mean never downplay her feelings or tell her that she really “doesn’t feel that way.” For example: “How can you be afraid of the dark? What nonsense! If you are already very old!”. “Are you sad? Don’t worry! It will go away right away!”

Parents’ job is to support their children in difficult situations . Help them grow and get stronger, teach them to face their emotions and how to manage them. Therefore, we must never deny them. They, like us, do not forget that they are angry or sad. Denying them what they feel does not have anything beneficial for them, only for us.

8. DO NOT PUNISH THE CHILD WHEN HE GETS ANGRY

We cannot punish the child for releasing his anger. They do not have fully developed cognitive abilities like adults. The only way to release frustration is with yelling and crying. Let him express himself like this until it passes . Teach him an assertive way to solve problems. “I know you’re angry but you can’t do this.”

Also, if the child has disobeyed you or misbehaves, do not generalize it. Has the child behaved like this only at one point? Do you normally behave well? So let’s not generalize, a failure doesn’t have to be catastrophic.

9. REMEMBER THAT WHAT WORKED WITH YOUR FIRST CHILD DOES NOT HAVE TO WORK WITH THE SECOND.

There is no one size fits all. The child’s behavior is influenced by his personality, his concentration, his way of learning, his way of expressing and receiving affection … Even parents vary the way they behave over time. We do not behave the same with the first child as with the second, nor the second with the third. The situations we have experienced, the work environment, the routine we have … Everything influences.

10. DON’T EXPECT YOUR CHILD TO BEHAVE IF YOU DON’T SET AN EXAMPLE

Children learn quickly by imitation, they are like sponges. The way you face the world, your fears, how you treat others … If you want your child to be polite, kind and respectful of the world, it starts with you.

AM I SPOILING MY BABY TOO MUCH?

Finally, remember that a baby is never pampered too much (at least until the first half year of life): there is some research that shows that the babies who received the most care and affection during the first six months were more independent when they started to walk. Why do babies cry ? It is their way of demanding attention. If they are ignored they will become frustrated and create an insecure image of the world around them. Make him see that he is protected and cared for. Give him self-confidence .